The Devil's Express (1981)

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Summary:

A vengeful female apparition is making a point to terrorize various men perceived
responsible for her human demise.
One encounter is all it takes for her powerful curse to take hold,
and the end result is less then pleasant.
Being that it involves insects snuggling up with your internal organs.

Assistance of a voodoo priestess is sought by one of her victims.
She intervenes just in time, and the curse is caught soon enough to be stopped.
Only the man is told to abstain from alcohol and women, unless he wants to curse to return.

Frequent sightings of the apparition proceed the wedding nuptials
of the priestess's niece, Shirley. But, their wedded bliss is short lived.
What starts off as feigned devotion for Shirley, quickly dissipates
once her husband Ku is given access to Shirley's father's business dealings.
Then his true intentions reveal themselves.

News of his underhandedness even lead to Shirley's father's death by heart attack.
Sparking outrage amongst her remaining family members, each in search of revenge for their
patriarch. Even going so far as to request the aid of their auntie's supernatural abilities.

What the family does not know is that Ku has been recieving nightly visits
from a very unfriendly guest. Bringing gifts that no one wants to receive.

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Decision:

Aside from the gross out visuals of body cavities alive with insects and creepy crawlies.
Along with several notable instances of bug vomiting. This film with the help
of horrible dubbing, and really murky picture quality is reduced to mediocrity.
Which it is unfortunate considering that the night time scenes are alive with supernatural flavor.

Still it does not seem worth it to sit through 82 minutes of...blah, for the occasional
geek show scenery. In fact, those seem to be the only scenes that benefit from the films hazy visuals.

Those looking for obscure, weird Asian cinema might want to check this out.
I'm not so sure about anyone else :P

 ----
Availability: My copy (from Video Asia) appears to be the be the easiest,
cheapest version to procure. Appearing in a double feature with a 90s Cat III film.
It is also available on it's own, but the Distribution company responsible for it's
release (Apprehensive Films) is know for putting out titles
that are unauthorized, with bad transfers. So really this is probably the best of the worst.

Price: 3-9$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

The Demon's Baby (1998)

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Summary:

"Five Ghosts Tao" are 5 malicious immortal spirits worshipped
by a group of individuals, know as the Lotus sect.
These spirits prefer to make their homes inside the bodies of pregnant women.

If any of the pregnant women give birth to one of the 5 demon children,
the child's presence signals the world's end.
As a precaution, the Lotus sect place the restless spirits into antique vases.
Watched over by a golden Buddha that is placed near their vicinity.
The statue seems to be the only thing that will keep them in their vessels.

These 5 accursed objects are rediscovered later in an excavation
by General Hsu and his men. Hsu decides to take the items back to his home,
just in time for his 4th bride's arrival.

There is noticeable dissension brewing in the household.
Included in the mix is Hsu's top ranked official, Lee,
who commits many offenses against his master.
Not only does he bed one of Hsu's wives, he accidentally kills a handmaid
who is found spying. Yet that is not his most unforgivable offense.
Lee also swaps the golden Buddha statue with a fake, so that he can sell the real one for profit.

As for the murdered handmaid who's death is unsolved.
A taoist priest is hired to give her a proper burial.
Except Hsu's staff, including his personal chef, Day-Six (yes, that is his name :P)
quickly find just how inept the priest is at performing his duties.
The only thing he succeeds in doing is angering her spirit with water, causing her dead corpse to rise.

Fortunately, a strange exorcist they encounter in the woods comes to their rescue.
Right away, Day-six knows that this man's assistance will be needed
sooner rather then later. When all of Hsu's wives end up pregnant at the same time.

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Decision:

This film is undoubtedly weird, but that is also what makes it awesome.
Ancient traditions meet outrageous displays of the supernatural.
Cursed wives with toothy, open mouths for stomachs munching on people's heads,
mingle convincingly with flying demon babies & Anthony Wong as a very creative exorcist.

Hell, there's even a sweet, romantic sub-plot involving Hsu's chef, Day-Six.
And his favorite hand maid and proposed 5th wife, Little Fish.

So, really this film has a little bit of everything for everyone.
General outlandishness. Old school make-up and gore effects.
The supremely demented Anthony Wong, etc,etc, etc.

I love this movie!

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Availability: Amazon seems to be the only online retailer I can find
that is still selling copies of this film, so snatch it up while you can!

Price: 4-14$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Penetration Angst (2003)

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Summary:

Most girls experience some form of shame and discomfort regarding their sexual organs.
Only Helen's fears regarding her own privates are totally founded.

The unwelcome advances of her boyfriend initiate a series of events.
Starting with his own demise, after he rapes Helen.
Leaving only his clothes in his wake.

Now, Helen seems entirely convinced that her vagina somehow gobbled him up.

Her adventure continues the following day, on a trip to the Gynecologist office.
Of course, her doctor is less then professional.
Drugging her on the examining table, so he can have his way with her prone body.
Pretty much, signing his death warrant.

Even Helen's dear ole step daddy has wandering hands.
Leaving her stalker, Dennis as the only reliable male influence in her life.

Overwhelmed by her current situation, Helen leaves town.
Moving to London to start off her new profession as a prostitute.
She has to keep her minge satisfied, after all.
It's constant demands to be fed, make it virtually impossible for Helen
to concentrate on anything else.
This obviously puts her in various dangerous and compromising positions.

Her stalker, Dennis also decides to make a trip to Landon town,
hoping to find her. Instead he experiences his own "penetration angst"
when he crosses paths with a pair of conjoined twins, Sonia & Silvia.

Will this damaged duo ever be reunited?

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Decision:

Films about monstrous genitals are always an amusing viewing experience.
This film is no exception. Even if it suffers from a very low budget.
Minimal make-up effects, force the viewer to use their imagination for some of
the death scenes. I believe those things where very common complaints with this film.

The acting is also a little amateurish, but far from being intolerably bad.
I think the plot and characters (namely, Sonia & Silvia) were
just bizarre enough to keep me entertained.

Plus, there are a few outrageous scenes that are worth checking out.
If the movie's budget can be overlooked.

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Availability: It's region 1 press can be purchased under the title "Angst".
Amazon and ebay would be the go to sellers to purchase a copy.
For region 2, the film has it's original title, "Penetration Angst".
There are several different UK pressings.

Price: 3-14$ (This title can still be procured for cheap. It's the brand new copies
that fetch a 14-20$ price tag.)

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

10 Rillington Place (1971)

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Summary:

If you happen to be a woman seeking medical alternatives for debilitating illness.
Reginald Christie is not the person you want to go to.
In fact, any appointment with him will certainly be your last.

As for his new, groundbreaking health treatments. They're a gas!
No, really. It's domestic gas harvested from a line in his home.
The gas is administered through a homemade breathing mask.
Rendering his "patients" unconscious, allowing him the opportunity to get his kicks before strangling them to death.

Christie later buries the bodies in one of two places, his backyard or within the walls
of his home that he often rents rooms out of. Making it the perfect ploy to lure more victims.
Which brings us to the Evans' family.

Timothy Evans along with his wife Beryl and their young daughter,
see the ad for Mr. Christie's rental space.
Being that Timothy is an undereducated man, barely clinging to the job he currently has.
The young couple settle for the run down space.
Where they are immediately greeted with a troubling dilemma.
Beryl finds that she is pregnant again, with a child they cannot afford.
This makes her desperate to have an abortion.

Christie gets wind of their predicament, and offers his services to Beryl.
Along with reassurance that his trials in the world war's 1 & 2,
have left him with ample experience in the medical field. Especially in regards to "terminations."

That certainly does not bode well, does it? ;)

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Decision:

This film is so many different degrees of wrong, I don't know where to start.
But, I'll try! :P

1. Art imitates life in this movie. These events really occurred.
John Christie actually existed, killing around 8 women.

2. Timothy Evans' botched trial and execution actually contributed to the UK's abolishment of the death penalty in the 60s. So, if you know anyone who's still all for capitol punishment. Show them this film.

3. Imagine the jovial, almost santa-esque creator of Jurassic park (Richard Attenborough) being a genuinely creepy, madman. Convulsing with pleasure as he's torturing his female victims.

Without being over the top with it's depictions of violence or sex,
this feature still exudes an oppressive creepiness.
It's roots in reality also make it extremely disturbing.

This British classic is highly recommended viewing!

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Availability: Thankfully, this title is available from a multitude of online retailers.
Yay!

Price: 13-17$ (which is nothing, considering this is a classic!)

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Female Teacher: Dirty Afternoon (1981)

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Summary:

A phone call from the police made on behalf of a delinquent former student, is all it takes
to throw Sakiko's life completely out of order.
Confused as to why she would be deemed guardian for a pupil
she has no recollection of teaching. She still agrees to go to the police station,
hoping that their subsequent meeting will unveil any clues.

Once released, the troubled Sueko openly expresses her feelings
about her irresponsible behavior. The main topic of conversation
details her past time of picking up random nameless men.
After she becomes addicted to the affection the lavish on her.

Although, Sueko's habit of reminiscing over her former life in Sakata Mines,
always seems to put the pin the the party hog, as far as her male suitors are concerned.

Sueko isn't the only one who remembers her time at Sakata, either.
Sakiko also recalls her time there all too well.
After all it was the backdrop to her sexual assault at the hands
of a masked offender, smelling of paint thinner.
A man she clearly recalls identifying in a police line up.

Unfortunately, repeated meetings with Sueko unearth possibilities that she
might have picked the wrong man.

Now Sakiko is compelled to do absolutely anything to make amends.

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Decision:

I was really surprised by the overtly feminine sensibilities in this film, and how they are
totally undeterred by the frequent erotic scenarios.

There is a rhyme and reason for both female central character's sexual dysfunctions.
These situations are explored in both a sympathetic and exploitative way.
Making this a a surprisingly involving film.

As for the scenarios in question, there is a definite improvement in the believability
(and creativity) of the actions taking place. That being said,
this film is not as filthy or as smutty as I would have liked, but what it lacks
in that department it makes up for with it's plot and characters.

Hopefully my mentioning of plot does not turn anyone off ;)

----
Availability: This title was recently released September 2012, and it is
readily available from plenty of retailers. So let's show Impulse Pictures our
support by buying these amazing films!

Price: 10-16$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Demon Beast Invasion - Tentacle Trap (Vols. 1-2) (1990)

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Summary:

Vol. 1

Shinichi Kasu and his juvenile sidekick, Muneto are appointed agents of an interplanetary
observation agency. Which more or less means a secret alien fighting organization

A race of strange demonoid beings have managed to infiltrate Earth.
Only they cannot take the atmosphere. This forces these creatures to trying mixing
their genes with human ones. Of course the only way for them to do that is by ravishing a female host.

The beast then targets the Shomei college, since the campus is teeming with nubile coeds.
His presence causing an alarming number of deaths and missing persons.
After numerous failed attempts to co-mingle with human women. Result in their messy demises.

Muneto is assigned to watch the campus, where he runs into two
former classmates, Tsutomu and Kayo. Unfortunately, his affiliation with the
interplanetary agency makes his friends ideal targets for the demon beast.
Especially the virgin Kayo.


Vol 2.

Kayo is still trying to recover from the horrifying events she witnessed.
Including the untimely ends of Kasu and her lover Tsutomu.

It seems like the nightmare is over. Until Kayo begins to experience strange sensations
and feelings within her body. Often waking with no recollection of the night before,
and finding her clothes blood spattered.

Kayo senses something evil dwelling within her. And it's only a matter of time
before it makes itself known.

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Decision:

What appeals to me with these types of adult animated features, is the terrifying thought
of foreign things being introduced to a woman's most vulnerable of openings. Gooey, curious
protuberances that are not only capable of pleasure, but a ghastly end.

Unfortunately, from the start this title is obviously censored. Both pressings, one from 2000
and the most recent from 2009, both have the same running time of 93 minutes.
So I would assume that both suffer from the same problems.

It would appear, however, that later volumes do not suffer from the same censorship issues.

As for the plot, it shares similarities with Maeda's other work. Earth's impending destruction and tentacle rape. Which for the most part, I enjoy with the addition of horror elements.
The only flaws for me being, the edited sex scenes and the blocky, dated animation.

There are definitely finer examples of Maeda's work, but I am still interested in checking out
where this series goes.

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Availability: This volume is available from the Amazon Marketplace.
I honestly wouldn't spend more then a few bucks on it.

Price: 2-6$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Inbred (2011)

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Summary:

4 troubled youths accompanied by their social workers, visit the remote town of Mortlake.
Their trip being a dual vacation/ rehabilitation exercise.
Once there, they set up house in an abandoned cottage, a former home to mentally disturbed individuals.

As a reward for sprucing up the run down cottage. The gang visits a nearby pub.
The perfect place to get a feel for the locals.

Residents of Mortlake certainly seem harmless enough. Despite their appearance
clearly stating the possibility of their family trees being in a straight line.
The only exception being the bar tender, obviously the towns ring leader being that he is the only one with all of his teeth. Combined with his mastery of putting a coherent sentence together.

Frequent misunderstandings between the group and the town's locals
eventually reveal the true nature of Mortlake's residents.
And with little to do for entertainment in the middle of nowhere.
You have to make your own fun.

Unfortunately, one of Mortlake's favorite pass times is hunting humans.

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Decision:

You always hear about the backwoods of southern states and the impending horrors
they can conjure. Images of brother cousins, genetic disorders,
physical deformities & bootleg liquor. Usually always linked to families that
opt to continually scrape from the bottom of the gene pool.

This time, these genetically challenged individuals are placed in the United Kingdom.
Where they too have their own stories of reclusive individuals who
fuck their cousins and shag sheep. Often residing in rural, underpopulated areas
where they can be left to participate in the unsavory.

This film is definitely a mash up of several movies from the genre,
but it's uniquely British take on the cannibal hillbilly certainly terrifies.
Along with being a constant assault to the senses.
I can see why humor is frequently used to ease some of the mounting tension,
because sometimes it really is too much.
People die in very unpleasant (and often creative) ways.

It's a rather unpleasant thing to witness, especially when you start to
like and sympathize with your protagonists.

This is certainly a nasty little flick that deserves appreciation.
I highly recommend it!

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Availability: This title is still only available in Region 2 format, but it has
secured a US distributor. So, hopefully that means we will be able to purchase
this nasty morsel in region 1 soon....because I need it!

Price: 27-30$ (this is if you purchase the title as an import.) I'm sure it's
cheaper from Amazon UK.

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

The Undertaker and His Pals (1966)

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Summary:

Business has been plummeting at the Shady Rest funeral home.
People just aren't dying fast enough to allow the local undertaker
to charge his exorbitant prices.

Luckily, his two pals from the Greasy Spoon diner have concocted a brilliant business plan.
If potential clients won't come to you. You go to them.
Just make sure to dress in motorcycle gear whilst brandishing sharp implements.

After taking care of their appointed victim. The best cuts from the body go to the diner
where they later become the special of the day.
While the rest goes back to the funeral home.

The plan seems to be working too. Only their latest batch of victims keep
coming from the same place, the office of detective Harry Glass.
Known employer of beautiful women. And it's only a matter of time before Harry
notices the influx of missing and mutilated employees.

He does not have to travel far for clues either, being that he is a regular
at the Greasy spoon ;)

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Decision:

Often featuring bottom barrel production values and horrible acting.
Films of this type where usually laughably inept popcorn fodder.

This film however, manages to remain a step above some of it's peers from the same era.
Refining the beautiful women being butchered formula, by actually including
women that could act! Even for the 60s the gore and violence is still pretty impressive.

As usual, I am a sucker for films with the cannibal restaurant premise.
And this film does it quite well.

Highly recommended!

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Availability: This title is still in print, and is available from all of the usual suspects.
I would recommend the Cheezy Flicks pressing.

Price: 2-6$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.) 

The Dentist (1996)

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Summary:

Dr. Feinstone prides himself in his ability to beautify people's mouths.
Only the decay often found ravaging teeth is now slowly
decimating his undoubtedly pristine life.

Starting with his beautiful wife, who's down and dirty affair with the pool boy,
serves as the impetus for his madness. In addition to the ever present eyes of the IRS
beckoning to destroy his perfect little world.

Worse yet, his trusted pills are having no effect in correcting his mood.
Instead, he is driven further into psychosis. And determined more then ever to
wash away the grip of decay........with a little murder.

Now open up and say "Ahhh"

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Decision:

People definitely get ultra squirmy when it comes to potential trauma being
dealt to their eyes or mouths. Which is why a routine visit to the dentist
is so goddamn terrifying. Considering the vast array of tools and apparatus that are
supposed to improve ones smile. Could also easily be used as devices for torture.

This film takes that fear one step further, but providing myriad set pieces.
That do nothing but provide a frightening visual aid to all of the horrible scenarios
a person never hopes to encounter.

It's memorably demented, and definitely uncomfortable to watch.
Also, they give Ken Foree some of the best lines in the movie!
What's not to love about that ;)

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Availability: Another twisted title that's readily available on the cheap.

Price: 4-8$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Touch Of Death (1988)

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 Summary:

Lester has recently concocted a rather peculiar way to pay off his gambling debts,
via a dating service for lonely, rich women.Only Lester does not simply wine and dine them.
He takes them for everything they are worth, before dispatching them in a gruesome fashion.

From hairy women covered in moles. To an opera singer who never stops singing...ever.
Lester's various escapades usually pan out quite comically.

Although, it seems that his paranoia is starting to get to him. And that may signal the
beginning of his undoing.

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Decision:

Any film containing a graphic chainsaw dismemberment only 6 minutes into the feature.
Is a favorite of mine!

With some of the scenes previously shown in one of Fulci's final films,  
A Cat In The Brain (1990). I honestly prefer seeing it in it's goofy entirety.
Rather then as a director's best cuts.

It's hilarious, extremely violent and definitely one of my favorite Fulci films.
Highly recommended viewing. Even more so for any rabid gore fetishist.

 ----
Availability: This title appears to be out of print, but it can still be purchased
from Ebay or Amazon.

Price: 7-15$
 
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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Tony (2009)

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 Summary:

All Tony ever wanted was a little companionship.
Someone to cuddle or watch appropriately obscure action films.
Only that's a pretty hard thing to accomplish when you are a socially inept weirdo,
but it's not that Tony does not try.

Mostly confined to a council estate in London town
(or as my husband would say "Landon town") Tony has no goals or aspirations.
He simply goes from one bleak, awkward scenario and encounter to the next,
attempting to befriend anyone who would keep his company.
Sometimes he succeeds.

Only the fallout is inevitable. Being that Tony has no self control and is quite impulsive.
Or maybe it's the company that he keeps, and their disregard for him.
That makes it easier for him to lose control.

And once he does,  it's never pretty.

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Decision:

I still can't shake the recurring sensation of feeling like a spectator in the corner.
Baring witness to the car crash that is this film.
Watching one uncomfortable scenario to the next.
Yet being unable to look away.

This film does not accentuate itself with over the top gore.
It prefers to ground itself in reality, which is often worse.
Watching a gritty, realistic death. Is far more disturbing then any cartoonish display of violence.

That being said this is a memorably creepy film from the UK.
So if fucked up serial killer movies are your bag, check this out.
You won't be disappointed.

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Availability: This UK film does have a region 1 pressing, and it's still in print.

Price: 2-9$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Parents (1989)

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 Summary:

Michael seems convinced that there's something wrong with his parents.
Despite having the glossy visage of a 1950s nuclear family, even the most mundane
of adult activities seem sinister. Especially when the dinner table is involved,
and more specifically what ends up on the dinner plate.

There's never a shortage of meat, when his folks are concerned.
Every night, the same announcement of  "left overs"
entices dual feelings of fear and paranoia for poor Michael.

His increasingly strange behavior begins to concern his
teacher & the school's child psychologist. Who of course feel compelled to meddle in his personal life.

Except the thoughts perceived as imaginative regurgitation from a child's brain.
May very well have some truth to them....

This leaves only one question....
When your parents are supposed to protect you from everything.
Who or what is supposed to protect you from your parents?

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Decision:

Effectively creepy and equally quirky, Parents is definitely a unique horror film.
It's almost like looking at a perfect shiny apple.
Only it's completely rotten on the inside.

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Availability:
Lions gate has recently released several horror movie 6 packs, and this title
along with Blood Diner and 4 other films. Can be purchased for a decent price!

Price: 4-9$

Considering the season I think that's a pretty awesome price for some appropriate Halloween viewing.

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.) 

Blood Diner (1987)

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 Summary:

Two demented siblings under the tutelage of their murderous uncle's
talking disembodied brain. Open a vegetarian eatery that's recently recieved
a lot of positive buzz for it's surprisingly tasty veggie offerings.

Except the food is tainted with various items. And the restaurant is simply a cover for our
twisted goremets to scope out loose women. That they later kill and
farm body parts from. Hoping to construct a new body for their blood hungry goddess,
Sheetar, and an accompanying Lumerian feast.

Although, it would seem that this may not be an easy task with two detectives
hot on their trail.

French fried fingers, anyone?

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Decision:

Finally, this under appreciated classic is available uncut on DVD for the first time in the US!
Coupled along side 5 other films of varying quality. This movie definitely steals the show.

Genuinely over the top in every way. We have bountiful scenarios laced with
bouncing breasts and body parts. Conjoined together with hilariously hammy dialog.

Those looking for a non-pretentious good time, should enjoy this film thoroughly!
I know I did!

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Availability: This title is in print, and available with 5 other films on a two
disc movie pack from Lions Gate.

Price: 4-8$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)