MOVING

I know it's been pretty dead here on the movie review front. I have been looking extensively at web hosts, so I can actually put together a website and layout that I am truly proud of.

If anyone knows of any, please let me know.
The information would be greatly appreciated.

Memorably Messy On-Screen Demises (09)

I thought I would inject a little class into this whole affair, by including a film from
French genius, Jean Rollin. Known more for his dreamy lesbian vampires,
then gore. This film, however, is one of a few exceptions.

The Living Dead Girl (1982) 



















Helene and Catherine are best friends, except Catherine is a bit on the undead side.
With a restrictive diet consisting of human flesh. So, Helene being the good friend she is,
opts to help her troubled friend, by leading an array of victims to the dinner table.

Catherine eventually grows tired of this arrangement.
Preferring to consume Helene instead.

What a lovely way to express one's undying affection, then with a little
throat munching action.

After all, you only eat the ones you love ;)

Memorably Messy On-Screen Demises (08)

Tom Savini is easily one of the best make-up effects artists to ever exist!
Supplying myriad noteworthy horror and slasher films with memorable characters
and equally unforgettable deaths.

In addition, to being the supreme master of all manner of  head and neck mutilations.
Here is an homage to my favorite double-barreled demise ;)

Maniac (1980)
 

Anyone with immense interest in slasher films, is already aware of the supreme greatness
of this death. A slow motion shot gun blast to the head, delivered by an unhinged serial
killer. With an affinity for mannequins, heavy breathing...and lady scalps.

Tom Savini was cast to play the unfortunate fellow on the receiving end of
of Joe Spinell's shotgun. In the book Grande Illusions (Vol 1), Savini recalls
this particular scene;

"One of the most "interesting" effects for me was
blasting my own head off with a double-barreled shotgun."

"This effect, for me, was the closest I've ever come
to the feeling of having committed a cold-blooded murder.
When the effect was over, I actually felt like I had killed
somebody, and to top it all off, it was ME I was killing!"

On a random note: This was definitely one of the most difficult deaths to screen cap.
With the immense amount of brain matter and chunks of skull littering the screen.
This scene is definitely best observed in motion :P 

Lorna The Exorcist (1974)

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Summary:

Patrick Mariel may not live long enough to regret his unworldly covenant for wealth.
Made with an equally strange and seductive woman, named Lorna.
Whom he encounters at a casino.

Lorna offers Patrick a life of luxury in exchange for his first born child.
This pact seems totally harmless at first.

Until 18 years later, when Patrick's daughter Linda has reached her sexual peak.
And Lorna seems to be lurking around every corner, waiting to claim what
she believes is rightfully hers.

Don't let the over-the-top eyeshadow fool you. Lorna means business ;)

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Decision:

This film makes me think of a Grimm's fairy tale, but with beaver shots.
Lorna's lusty abilities also remind me of Soledad Miranda's cursed character in,
Vampyros Lesbos. Filmed 3 years prior.

The fact that this film exists in a tangible form at all, is pretty amazing.
Only available materials from various prints could be used.
Over all, though, it still retains some semblance of continuity.

But, with every Franco film, there are a few instances that I found silly.
My first complaint being with Lina Romay's crazy eyed spasms
at the end of the film. I do not mind when films break the "4th wall", but having
a character stare directly into the camera with google eyes.
Read as more goofy, then someone trying to appear authentically possessed.

Also..the ridiculously death of Patrick's wife, as her crotch is consumed by green crabs.
What de hell?

Despite these bizarre occurences, I still found the film erotic and dream-like.
Two things Franco seems to excel at.

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Availability: In print, and available.

Price: 16-22$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Memorably Messy On-Screen Demises (07)

I could not think of a more creative way to murder someone, then with a
homemade narcotic so powerful it makes the consumer explode in a rainbow of body parts.
It sorta makes you think of a hotdog, after you've put it in the microwave ;)
Which brings me to this 90s horror/comedy classick!

Frankenhooker (1990)


Jeffery Franken is not only a talented medical student, but also a creator of
myriad homicidal inventions. After his wife is turned into meat pudding via a
remote controlled lawn mower. Jeffery drives himself batty trying to think of
ways to bring her back to life.

Eventually, he concocts an unorthodox plan with intentions to use the body parts
from street walkers. In hopes of reconstructing his beloved.
How he intends to harvest these parts, you ask?
By enticing the women with his homemade "super crack", of course!

The events that follow the hookers consumption of the drug, is a sight to behold.
To say the least.

It's a hooker holocaust!

Memorably Messy On-Screen Demises (06)

From the depraved SS, to corrupt and decadent oil sheiks. Ilsa certainly has a gift
for choosing allies. However, her true strengths lie with her bountiful chest, and voracious
appetite for torture and humiliation. Case and point......

Ilsa Harem Keeper Of The Oil Sheiks (1976)


After barely surviving an array of mutilations. This poor belly dancer becomes
the guinea pig for a new device called, "the love machine". An appartatus that
takes the form of a remote controlled mechanical penis.

Unfortunately, along with coaxing orgasms, this devilish contraption also brings
about a swift and messy end. Taking into account the fact that the device doubles
as an explosive device. Usually always detonated once the victim has reached
the height of pleasure.

What a way to go!

The Untold Story (1993)

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Summary:

Decomposing body parts of nameless victims have started to wash up on a beach
in Macau. Inspector Lee and his gaggle of buffoonish detective's are left to pick up
the pieces. (literally.)

Clues point the crew in the direction of Wong Chi Hang, the new owner of a
local restaurant called Eight Immortals. The police officials know little of Wong's affinity for
murdering his business associates, gambling buddies and employee's.
Their bodies he inevitably grinds up for the filling in his delicious barbequed pork buns.

After he is spotted attempting to throw away evidence, he is taken into custody,
where the inspector and his recruits try their hardest to make him confess.
And when he eventually does, the audience will experience quite a shock.
To say the least.

"I never eat barbequed pork buns, you never know what's in the filling"-Inspector Lee

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Decision:

I was 17 when I first saw this film. And it certainly left a memorable impression.
Along with kick starting my dual love and curiosity for fucked up Asian cinema.

The Untold Story may very well be the most notorious of all CAT III films!
Anthony Wong's portrayal of the deranged and psychotic, Wong Chi Hang earned
him his first award for Best Actor at the Hong Kong Film Festival.

This is a viewing experience you won't soon forget.
Those with an aversion to rape and explicit child murder, may want to steer clear
of this film. It will leave a nasty scar on your psyche ;)

I give it my highest recommendation!

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Availability: Out of print, but copies are still floating around for purchase.

Price: 19-43$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Memorably Messy On-Screen Demises (05)

This trash epic, courtesy of Jess Franco, is known for more then it's godawful
80s soundtrack. It also happens to contain some of the nastiest surgical blunders
ever committed to screen.

Faceless (1987)
 













This unfortunate girl is lured by a demented doctor and his sanguinary lover
to a private hospital, where she is forced to endure a facial transplant procedure
that goes horribly wrong.

After the failed surgery, her mutilated body (with a face that is still moving)
is taken to a basement for dismembered via chainsaw.

Fucking amazing!

White Slaves of Chinatown (1964)

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Summary:

Young women are kidnapped, tormented (haha), and eventually brainwashed to do a
crime syndicate's bidding. Whether as a drug pusher or a flesh peddler, the women
are trained by sadist Olga to serve and obey.

Housed in a nondescript building hidden amongst the shops in China town.
The girls are trained in various acts that would aid in securing capital for the syndicate's
lawless ambitions.

With many similarities to Reefer Madness (1936), this feature resembles a drug
propaganda film more then any sexploitation romp. Scenes of lite bondage, nudity
and implied lesbianism make this a notable landmark in Cinema trash.

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Decision:

Before the ample busted Ilsa there was Olga, lesbian vice queen and mistress
of debauchery, featured in several films of varying greatness. Notable for it's frequent
scenarios involving shapely women in uncomfortable and illegal situations.

These films mean a considerable deal to me. Olga who is played by Ohio
native, Audrey Campbell. Made considerable contributions to exploitation cinema,
being that she was featured in some of the very first cinema roughies.

These films, while a bit hokey and dated, I think would be timeless entertainment for
any fan of the darker side of cinema.

I will be reviewing the rest of the series in the upcoming weeks :)

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Availability: This title is in print. However, newer pressings of this film collective
are DVD-Rs manufactured on demand. Opposed to my copy purchased in 2003, which
is just a regular DVD. I wonder if the DVD-R comes with the same interview booklet
like the first pressing? Hmmmm.

Price: Dvd represses (10-15$) The out of print original (34$+)

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Memorably Messy On-Screen Demises (04)

The deranged back wood cannibal family is usually considered a uniquely American horror.
In 2011, English director Alex Chandon decided to share his twisted take on
a similiar theme. Only, these characters exist in rural areas in England.
Opposed to say...Texas or North Carolina ;)

Inbred (2011)


 













Poor Zeb has already become the evenings entertainment for a gaggle of genetically 
challenged murderers. After being forced to wear a wig and fellate produce,
what could be worse?

A pair of amazonian twins, leading a very large Equus ferus over to his 
prone body, that's what. Especially when the horse has to consider the tasty carrot
forcibly shoved in his mouth.
Poor, poor Zeb.

The Heroic Trio (1993)

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Summary:

Over a period of 3 months, 18 new born baby boys have been taken from a local hospital.
What the babies parents, and the police do not know. Is that a crazed madman is having his
skilled henchmen kidnap the children. Relocating them to a bizarre underworld,
where an approaching cosmic event is said to predict which one will be the next Emperor of China.

A masked female avenger, known as "Wonder Woman", attempts to aid
the police (and her detective husband, still currently in the dark over
her crime fighting past time.) by sticking close to the hospital, hoping to prevent
further occurrences. Despite repeated confrontations with an invisible menace.

Ordered by her master to continue collecting babies, Ching, also known
as "Invisible Woman". Is the girlfriend of a brilliant scientist, currently in the
process of completing his invisibility robe. An item Ching has no problem pilfering
on occasion, for usage in her keeper's devious schemes.

Sadly, the closer her lover gets to finishing his beloved project.
The more Ching is advised to end his life. That assigned task being the most
difficult for her to complete.

Amongst a landscape already abundant with drama. Another female warrior appears
to aid the police during a hostage situation. Offering her skills and abilities for a price.
This woman, known as "Thief Catcher", specializes in explosives and her most prized
possession is her motorcycle.

These three women all have dubious pasts linking them together.
After repeated confrontations and devastating scenarios, there is a shift in alliances.
And the trio decide to work together to stop the evil plaguing the city.

Let the ass kicking commence!

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Decision:

Personal turmoil and revolving allegiances interweave beautifully with
high flying action, and rampant children-in-peril scenarios. Adding punch to
an already unusual plot.

I was shocked on numerous occasions with this film's frequent and surprisingly
cruel situations involving babies and young children. It's definitely boundary
pushing and extremely impactful.

As for our three beautiful heroines, they add real magic to the screen.
Especially,  Anita Mui as "Wonder Woman", she is undoubtedly my favorite.

Anthony Wong also deserves honorable praise for his memorably deranged
screen presence, and bird-cage weapon. Which allows him to
promptly behead his opponents.

What can I say, this film is absolutely amazing!

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Availability: My version, the Tai Seng press from 98 (which is the only US subtitled version)
is out of print. Yet, still available. While edited and dubbed pressings
from Miramax and now apparently, Echo Bridge. Are easier and cheaper to procure.

Price: For a good/very good copy of the Tai Seng press (7-19$)
for a like new to new copy (24-50$) For the dubbed versions (2-6$)

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Memorably Messy On-Screen Demises (03)

In 1989, Evil Dead 2 co-writer, Scott Spiegel wrote and directed a film detailing the mundane
activities of a grocery store night stock crew. Except there's a murderous madman on the loose inside the store, dispatching the staff in pretty gruesome ways. Which brings me to this magical moment.

Intruder (1989)



















Ever wonder what would happen to a person's head after it's been introduced to
an industrial meat cutting band saw? Look no further!

Memorably Messy On-Screen Demises (02)

You can thank Japanese make-up FX maestro, Screaming Mad George for this
stomach churning end. For me, this is easily one of the most fucked up deaths in the franchise.

Nightmare On Elm Street 4 (1988)


Poor Debbie had an unnatural fear of bugs, especially cockroaches.
Imagine her excitement when her body begins a painful metamorphosis
into the object of her disgust. Only to end up meeting an end fit for an insect.
Crushed in a roach motel.

"You can check in, but you can't check out."

Naked Killer - The Director's Cut (1992)

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Summary:

A series of messy contract killings all employing the same methods of butchery,
continue to baffle the police. The victims nether regions enduring the brunt
of the killer's violence.

Officer Tinam's recent reinstatement after a lengthy absence due to his part
in his brother's accidental death, leaves him morose, impotent and unable to fire a gun.
Let alone hold one without vomiting.Yet despite his glaring inadequacies,
Tinam still presents himself like a well seasoned official.

Upon observing the crime scenes, Tinam strongly considers the possibility of the killer
or killers being women. While the skeptical chief of Police is not so easy to convince.
Rather than acknowledge his suggestions, he sends Tinam to the hair salon for a haircut.

While at the salon, Tinam encounters a feisty beauty named Kitty,
after she goes ballistic on one of the stylists with a pair of scissors.

Rather then arrest the fiery femme, Tinam allows her to flee the scene.
Inadvertently sparking a rather unconventional relationship between them.
Kitty being the first person to entice a certain male impulse.
Although it would seem that the turmoil in Kitty's life will make it hard for a
sustained connection or consummation.

First, Kitty's father discovers her step-mother in the arms of another man.
The ensuing scuffle between the two causes her father's death.
This of course, prompts a violent attack from Kitty, who goes to Bee's place of employment
armed to the teeth.

Kitty's zeal for violence catches the attention of another imaginative female killer,
named Sister Cindy. 

Cindy becomes Kitty's mentor, welcoming her into a hierarchy of female contract
killers. The most notable of the bunch, being Princess. A shapely executioner with
allegiance to no one, not even her maker, Sister Cindy.

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Decision:

Blessed with the ability to simultaneously maim and emasculate
their victims in one fail swoop. There are no damsels in distress in this film,
only beautiful women skilled in the art of butchery.
Their bodies serving as the ultimate weapon.

In my eyes this is easily one of the best girls-with-guns flicks. It's perfection.
And no one can convince me otherwise!

This over the top affair is full of wondrous exploitation goodness.
In addition to being absolutely hilarious.
Included in the mix is creative fight choreography, sleazy soundtrack, lesbian contract killers
and pervasive vulgarity. Love love love love.

Words cannot express just how overwhelmingly amazing this film is!
Very highly recommended!

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Availability: The director's cut is the most complete US version,
with a running time of 93 mins. This version is also the most expensive.
Various edited, or dubbed versions with a running time of 89 mins, can be
purchased fairly cheaply.

Price: I've seen copies in various conditions going from 59$ all the way up to 144,
for the director's cut. As for the edited copies they can be picked up for about 6-10$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Memorably Messy On-screen Demises (01)

With content taken straight from my uncompleted print zine.
Each week I will post a tribute to my favorite on screen deaths!
Anticipate the very best in messy on-screen expirations, starting with this Asian delight.

Entrails Of A Beautiful Woman (1986)

















Only the Japanese could conjure such an imaginative death.
Here a lusty vixen attempts sex with a demon, and during penetration
his penis makes an impromptu exit....out of her chest.

At least she died happy.

The Blue Jean Monster (1991)

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Summary:

An iniquitous fortune from a Buddhist temple spells bad news for Officer Tsu,
self proclaimed man with "9 lives".

After receiving a tip off for a burglary in progress, Tsu arrives at the scene
just as the offenders are about to depart, suitcase of cash in hand.
Completed by a screaming female hostage.

A chase ensues, leading to an old construction site.
Tsu's persistence allows for the thieves' hostage Gucci to escape with their loot.
Sadly, his tenacity does not work in his favor, and he is killed by falling debri.
But, being that this is not your run-of-the-mill action flick.
His body is re-animated by lightning and curiously enough, a cat.

Unsure if he's alive or a ghost, Tsu's body is impervious to pain,
even if it still sustains damage. His indicated abilities are only good for a short time, before he has to zap himself with high voltage electricity.

Conscious of the fact that his time is limited, Tsu's final wishes are to witness
the birth of his son, along with catching the bad guys responsible for his death.
Despite repeat misunderstandings with his pregnant wife, making his life more complicated.
Tsu has something in his favor. His proximity to the current
holder of the gang's plunderage, Gucci.

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Decision:

Prepare yourself for an electrifying, implant rupturing good time!
This film definitely delivers with it's unconventional plot, sick humor
and boundary pushing action scenes.

The sense of danger is certainly heightened when a real baby is used during
some intense moments. Also, the subtitles are far from politically correct.

These things and a multitude of others, contributed to my immense enjoyment of this film.

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Availability:  Yesasia appears to have this title available on DVD. I'm sure it
can also be unearthed elsewhere with a little digging. Or there's ebay.
That's where I snagged my copy ;)

Price: 9-13$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)