Saturday, December 31, 2011

Vampire In Brooklyn (1995)


Max is a Caribbean vampire searching for the last female descendent of his tribe.
A half vampire, currently residing in Brooklyn. The half human/vampire hybrid
in question is Rita. A police detective, plagued by troubling dreams fueled by her mother's
recent passing in an insane asylum.

A boat containing his coffin, along with myriad bloodless corpses, crashes in the New York harbor. Where it is discovered by two men. One of the men is quickly ensnared by Max to do his bidding. But, for a price as his body begins to rot.

The spectacle at the harbor, leads Rita right onto Max's radar. Once she investigates the interior of the ship, discovering his coffin. The event triggers a foreboding vision.
Sending her into hysterics, only to disappear when Rita's partner, Justice shows up to assist her.

Max immediately senses a brewing chemistry between Rita and Justice. This scenario forces him to take extreme measures to discredit him, even going so far as to possess the bodies of a foul mouthed mobster and a preacher. Doing anything he can think of lure her into his web.


It's a shame that successful and effective "urban" horror films are pretty few and far between. For every Candyman (1992) or Tales From The Hood (1995) there's a Leprechaun In The Hood (2000) or Vampiyaz (2004) that totally ruins it. With non-existent budgets, crappy derivative plots  and shoddy performances.

I still happen to really love Wes Craven's previous effort at "urban" horror, The People Under The Stairs (1991). This film however, despite it's intentions and potential. Increased considerably by Angela Bassett's performance. Still fails on so many levels. Maybe not to the point of being totally unwatchable. But, it walks a fine line and stays there.

The jokes usually fall flat, with a rare exception. Making the film a failure at being an outright comedy. There are occasional, albeit brief moments of atmosphere. Yet the film as a whole isn't scary. Even with notably competent make-up effects. So even as a horror film, it fails. Leaving us with one confused cinema oddity. Capable of occasionally stirring an occasional laugh.

Evil may be necessary, but this film is not.

Happy New Year, everyone!

AvailabilityThis title is considered out of print, but it can still be purchased
for a decent price.

Price: 4-15$

Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Groper Train: Search For The Black Pearl (1984)


A mysterious and valuable black pearl discovered by a wandering soldier in Vietnam.
Is taken back to his home in Japan. Where he hides it in a very inconspicuous place.
Even with his nubile wife, Matsuko's persistent solicitation of the valuables whereabouts.

While the two make love, Yamamori is finally coaxed to reveal a little snippet
of a hint to his beloved. Before death overtakes him mid-climax.
His final words, "pussy print". Are the only clues left for Matsuko.
So the bereaved widow hires an unorthodox private detective, Kuroda.
To help her find the missing treasure.

Using his detective agency as convenient cover to participate in various sexual acts,
not limited to ravishment of female train passengers and his bouncy assistant.
Kuroda enjoys his job a little too much. Once Matsuko gives him the only viable clue.
An inked print of Yamamori's missing niece Yuko's nethers.
Kuroda suits up and hits the local train, where he is determined to ink and make prints of
as many vaginas as he can. Until he finds a match.

Although with the personal turmoil surrounding Matsuko and Yamamori's son, Harou (the only attractive man in this entire fucking film!) Things are not as they would seem.


First off, almost EVERY male participant in this film is hideous. I can see why the actresses were positioned in ways to detract from their unsightly counterparts. I am sure I would probably prefer to sit on a guys face opposed to having to actually look at him, if he happened to resemble a fucking catfish with glasses.

Yet despite that minor grievance. I thought this flick overall was pretty entertaining.
Managing to be hilarious, titillating...and disgusting. All at the same time.

Highly recommended!

Availability: In print and available from various online retailers.

Price: 13-19$

Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)