Saturday, December 31, 2011

Vampire In Brooklyn (1995)


Max is a Caribbean vampire searching for the last female descendent of his tribe.
A half vampire, currently residing in Brooklyn. The half human/vampire hybrid
in question is Rita. A police detective, plagued by troubling dreams fueled by her mother's
recent passing in an insane asylum.

A boat containing his coffin, along with myriad bloodless corpses, crashes in the New York harbor. Where it is discovered by two men. One of the men is quickly ensnared by Max to do his bidding. But, for a price as his body begins to rot.

The spectacle at the harbor, leads Rita right onto Max's radar. Once she investigates the interior of the ship, discovering his coffin. The event triggers a foreboding vision.
Sending her into hysterics, only to disappear when Rita's partner, Justice shows up to assist her.

Max immediately senses a brewing chemistry between Rita and Justice. This scenario forces him to take extreme measures to discredit him, even going so far as to possess the bodies of a foul mouthed mobster and a preacher. Doing anything he can think of lure her into his web.


It's a shame that successful and effective "urban" horror films are pretty few and far between. For every Candyman (1992) or Tales From The Hood (1995) there's a Leprechaun In The Hood (2000) or Vampiyaz (2004) that totally ruins it. With non-existent budgets, crappy derivative plots  and shoddy performances.

I still happen to really love Wes Craven's previous effort at "urban" horror, The People Under The Stairs (1991). This film however, despite it's intentions and potential. Increased considerably by Angela Bassett's performance. Still fails on so many levels. Maybe not to the point of being totally unwatchable. But, it walks a fine line and stays there.

The jokes usually fall flat, with a rare exception. Making the film a failure at being an outright comedy. There are occasional, albeit brief moments of atmosphere. Yet the film as a whole isn't scary. Even with notably competent make-up effects. So even as a horror film, it fails. Leaving us with one confused cinema oddity. Capable of occasionally stirring an occasional laugh.

Evil may be necessary, but this film is not.

Happy New Year, everyone!

AvailabilityThis title is considered out of print, but it can still be purchased
for a decent price.

Price: 4-15$

Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Groper Train: Search For The Black Pearl (1984)


A mysterious and valuable black pearl discovered by a wandering soldier in Vietnam.
Is taken back to his home in Japan. Where he hides it in a very inconspicuous place.
Even with his nubile wife, Matsuko's persistent solicitation of the valuables whereabouts.

While the two make love, Yamamori is finally coaxed to reveal a little snippet
of a hint to his beloved. Before death overtakes him mid-climax.
His final words, "pussy print". Are the only clues left for Matsuko.
So the bereaved widow hires an unorthodox private detective, Kuroda.
To help her find the missing treasure.

Using his detective agency as convenient cover to participate in various sexual acts,
not limited to ravishment of female train passengers and his bouncy assistant.
Kuroda enjoys his job a little too much. Once Matsuko gives him the only viable clue.
An inked print of Yamamori's missing niece Yuko's nethers.
Kuroda suits up and hits the local train, where he is determined to ink and make prints of
as many vaginas as he can. Until he finds a match.

Although with the personal turmoil surrounding Matsuko and Yamamori's son, Harou (the only attractive man in this entire fucking film!) Things are not as they would seem.


First off, almost EVERY male participant in this film is hideous. I can see why the actresses were positioned in ways to detract from their unsightly counterparts. I am sure I would probably prefer to sit on a guys face opposed to having to actually look at him, if he happened to resemble a fucking catfish with glasses.

Yet despite that minor grievance. I thought this flick overall was pretty entertaining.
Managing to be hilarious, titillating...and disgusting. All at the same time.

Highly recommended!

Availability: In print and available from various online retailers.

Price: 13-19$

Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Wicked City (1987)


For those who wish for a harmonious coexistence, a proposed peace treaty is enacted
to improve relationships between inhabitants from human and demon worlds.
Unfortunately, a rival faction of demons stand in opposition, feeling that they are a superior race.

Taki is an electronic salesman and secret agent for an organization known as
the "Black Guard". Along with his newly acquired demon partner, Makie.
The duo become appointed guardians of a 200 year old demon missionary, Guiseppi Mayart.
A lecherous pervert with significant duties to uphold to insure a successful treaty signing.

With a gaggle of bloodthirsty demonic terrorists hot on their trail. Taki and Makie will be confronted with more then just their romantic feelings for each other. We're talking demon rape and enough hideous creature transformations to leave a lasting impression ;)


I fondly remember renting this nasty little feature from our local video store, Shapter Video
in the mid 90s. I still miss that place and it's various assemblage of Hellraiser models,
glaring menacingly at me while stationed at the tops of the movie shelves.

I am immensely pleased to find this title to be as filthy and sublime as I remember it being.
Plenty of soft core sex, nasty creatures with tentacled appendages, and just an overall nightmarish and bleak vibe. Yet, despite the absence of penetration. Mutilated and monstrous vaginal openings are a reoccurring vision.

A murderous spider lady that possesses a venus flytrap reminiscent vagina with teeth, being one of my favorite animated creatures.

This anime is very highly recommended, and definitely not for kids ;)

Availability: This title is out of print, kiddies. But, still available for purchase
in various conditions.

Price: 17-56$

Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh (1991)


A serial killer with a fetish for power tools, turns their sights on ladies of the night.
Leaving the girl's battered bodies for the police to discover. Two detectives Joe and Sweeney
are assigned to the case.

Parts are taken from the deceased assumably for usage in bizarre rituals.
The methods in which the victims are dispatched mimics a similar series of crimes committed in another state, where Joe was once stationed. He contacts a former partner, Deke Taylor to assist in solving the case.

Using the departments money to purchase a plane ticked for his old comrade.
Only to have his daughter, Dee Dee arrive in his place, claiming that her
father had gone missing. Putting Joe and Sweeney in an unfavorable light with the already
volatile, trigger happy chief of police.

With Dee Dee's assistance, they manage to appease the Chief with the possibility
of an newly discovered suspect. A man with affiliations to the original suspect of the
first series of murders.  The man in question, Jackie Cairo has relocated to an unlawful
part of Pittsburgh, known as Egypt Town.

Where the team will have to venture to pick up the pieces.....literally.


This film marries comedy, demented characters, gore and power tools together beautifully.
I adore the overall campy charm.

This is definitely one of my favorite films of all time.

Very highly recommended.

Availability: Unfortunately, this title is long out of print. With
the VHS being the cheapest and easiest to find. While used and new
copies are available on EBAY and

Price: 30-40+  for the DVD, as for the VHS 5-25$

Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Favorite Character 03: Thomas Renfield

Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995)

Enslaved by the legendary bloodsucker, Dracula, and reduced to a bumbling,
insect munching simpleton. Left to carry out his master's bidding.
The outcome of his efforts, usually resulting in various comical failures.

Peter MacNicol is such a great comedic actor. Breathing life into such a gloriously
unbalanced character. The fact that he is also surrounded by a
whole cast of great characters. Makes this film an enduring childhood favorite.

Also, Lysette Anthony's perfect rack, deserves honorable mention ;)

Monday, October 3, 2011

Twin Dolls (1994)


Episode 1:

Virginal twin sisters, Ai and Mai are the descendents of a celestial maiden.
The girls are destined to become powerful holy priestesses inheriting the dangerous
responsibility of keeping amorous demonic creatures from over taking the earth.

Their sage-like grandmother decides that it is time for the girls to partake in the
Amatsu family tradition of demon slaughtering. Promptly enrolling the sisters in an arduous
training program, and tacking on an additional task. The girls must also safeguard a pervy young boy, Onimaru who's existence is said to determine the fate of the world. This proves to be a challenging assignment, considering Onimaru's debauched compulsions and penchant for panty stealing.

With their nubile glory garnering them a bevy of male and female followers, the Amatsu twins unintentionally de-throne a former idolize classmate, Saeko. A girl who's consuming jealousy unwittingly draws the attention of a randy demon horde.

While masturbating to her own mirrored reflection. A pair of imps ravish Saeko, prior to their endowed master (Hakumouki) appearance to possess her. Hakumouki's goal is to resurrect Oniyashidoji, the master of demon beasts. Feeling that he can only do so after the pesky Amatsu sisters are killed. He uses his new sex slave, Saeko to enlist her fellow classmates for use in drawing the sisters out for an epic battle.

Episode 2:

The Amatsu twins barely manage to escape their previous demon encounter. Still clinging to their virgin whiles. Their training continues as an upcoming dance festival and archery competition looms.

Once again fellow classmates are enslaved by the newly resurrected Oniyashidoji and his minions. The demon lord transforms himself into an attractive male student. Becoming an archery rival for Ai. And attracting the devotion of Mai and her possessed female companions. Hoping to lure the impressionable girl into the perfect trap.


A majority of the sex scenes in this anime are of the non consensual variety. Usually involving some poor school girl and imp like creatures who violate their victims with bumpy horned appendages, since they lack the proper equipment to penetrate them as a normal human would.

The rest of the action is composed of masturbation, some lesbian love and a little tentacle invasion for good measure.

The animation is well done and the two main characters are beautifully drawn. I saw many similar themes with this title and another notable anime classic, Devil Hunter Yohko (1990)
Namely the inherited family curse of demon slaying and the necessity of the heroines keeping their virginity and any costs. Even if the character secretly desires sexual explorations.

This perverse feature is definitely a guilty pleasure.

The series also goes on for 4 additional episodes under the title, Twin Angels. I intend to review them at a later date.

Availability: In print

Price: 12-18$

Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Invasion of the Blood Farmers (1972)


When the town drunkard staggers into a local pub almost completely exsanguinated.
The town's pathologist, Professor Anderson and his daughter's fiancee, Don take samples
of his blood back to their lab for further research.

Professor Anderson discovers something shocking about the sample.
The deceased's vital fluids are found to be unstable, reproducing at an alarming rate.
In turn throwing off his hemostatic balance causing the man to explode.
This currently unnamed condition concerns the Professor and the two immediately attempt to find a cure.

What the town does not know is that a pair of druids and their bumpkin recruits
have taken up residence and are kidnapping people. Draining them of their blood to use for an upcoming ceremonial feast. In addition, to their search for a host with a blood type that is immune to their sacred chemicals regenerative powers. The individual immune to it's properties will be used to resurrect their fallen queen Onhorrid, before her soul is taken by the Prince of Darkness.

Oh my!


Deranged and bizarre, two words that describe this shocker perfectly.
Obviously created with a non-existent budget, using actors willing to accept beer as payment for their participation. This movie is so inept, yet at the same time so likeable.
I was really surprised.

Some of the acting is wooden, and the plot itself is so outlandish that one can't really help but love it.

Blood stealing druids spouting nonsensical ramblings about Menanon and the prince of darkness and smiting ones enemies. To overall wearing, backwoods cronies who like to eat dogs, and bludgeon people with walking sticks.

I really admire some of the creative shots and camera work. A scene where a lovestruck couple leans in for a kiss is quickly inter-cut to footage of one of the villains hungrily feasting on a dog. Another scene that still gets me, involves one of the murderous black hood wearing hillbillies chasing after one of his victims with a tree pruner. Rather then show the pruner slicing through his victim's throat, the killer instead runs towards the camera as if it were the victim, and with a vicious swipe the scene ends. So fucking awesome!

This film is also said to have influenced the 1980s classic, Motel Hell.

If you don't mind low budget weirdness, this film is worth a look.

AvailabilityThe 2011 Cheezy Flims repress is still in print.

Price: 4-12$

Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Unnamable II (1993)


Picking up where the original left off. Miskatonic University students Randolf, Howard and
Tonya barely manage to survive the evil clutches of a mythical beast, lurking in an 18th
century haunted house.

The home's previous owner, Joshua Winthrop conjures the beast during his
occult explorations. The demon then decides to take his daughter, Alyda as
it's human host, horribly disfiguring her with it's malevolent influence.

As the remains of their mutilated classmates are carried off, and the police conduct
their investigation. Randolf manages to hide an ancient text he's taken from
the Winthrop home, that he later collects for further analysis. After reaching some
startling conclusions. Randolf  with the aid of Professor Warren, who's extensive
knowledge on ancient texts is required for when they return to the Winthrop home.

Reluctant tag-a-long, Howard stays on the surface to stand watch. While Randolf and
the Professor find an under ground tunnel, that leads them to a centuries old cavern beneath
the cemetery on the property. As the men travel deeper into the catacombs, they discover
the hooved beast of legend. Safely contained by interwoven tree limbs conjured by Randolf,
with the assistance of Joshua's spell book in the prior film entry.

Given the knowledge that the beast is clinging to the earthly plane using Joshua's daughter.
The two consider various methods to drive it out. Until Professor Warren decides
to use insulin, putting the creature's host into shock, convincing it of it's shell's
impending demise, forcing it to withdraw.

The plan does seem to work at first. It's human host, Alyda is left unharmed.
But, her monstrous former inhabitant is not so willing to let her go.


The first 30 minutes of this film still terrify me.
Certain scenes even now, I still can't bring myself to watch.
The terror that lingered for months after my initial viewing as an 8 year old kid,
still resonate so deeply even now that I am an adult.
I know I am a chicken. But, at least I admit it! ;)

My nostaligic ramblings aside.

After establishing an effective beginning. The film regretably begins to suffer from
myriad flaws that dissuade from it's middle and end. Inconsistencies in the
creature's make-up, and some laughably amateurish acting from the beast's human
female host, ruin some of the initial impact created. Yet despite all of those things I will
always enjoy this film and it's predecessor.

The first film is obviously better, unfortunately it is yet to receive a DVD release. A VHS copy can still be procured for around 4-8$ for the cut version. For the uncut version, which I own. The price is a bit steeper. I've seen copies on sale for 14$ all the way up to 99$. Yikes.

Availability: Regarding the film's sequel, while this title is considered out of print.
It is still widely available.

Price:  As for cost, this DVD is cheapy-cheap. I bought a new copy for only a 1.00.
So really, what have you got to lose?

Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.) 

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Bone Yard (1991)


Gifted psychic, Alley retreats from the world. Unsought attention received for her
extrasensory abilities, used to aid a seasoned detective in solving a series of crimes
relating to missing children. Forces her to find solace in her shabby home.

Despite her recent case of agoraphobia, Detective Jersey is still quick to re-enlist the aid
of his reluctant former acquaintance. After being assigned a bizarre case involving
a mortician, and the bodies of three dead children found locked up in a storage room.
Their bellies full of cadaver meat.

When questioned, the mortician known as Mr. Chen tells the officers that taking care of
the three undead children or "kiyoshi" is a duty bestowed to him and his ancestors,
as a penance for past misdeeds. He also continues to warn the detectives that the
kiyoshi are quite skilled at playing possum when they are full.

Unable to use her super sensory skills without a physical link to the bodies.
Jersey and Alley venture to the coroner's building to investigate the children's corpses.
Unfortunately for them, the old crone running the desk, Miss. Poopinplatz and
her vicious poodle aren't the only scary things lurking in the already notably
creepy establishment. The kiyoshi are also growing restless with hunger.


There is nothing wrong with a little non-pretentious, campy fun!
General goofiness aside, the make-up effects are genuinely creepy and the film's
many redeeming qualities make up for any flaws that it may possess.

What's better then Phyllis Diller sans wig? Or the notorious zombie poodle
and jokes about dead children?

This film tugs at my heart strings.

Availability:  The original 2000 Navarre press is out of print, however I have noticed
another pressing from Zia Home entertainment. Which looks almost identical.
I am still unsure whether this is official or authorized, so I'll stick with recommending the
Navarre press.

Price: 12-30$

Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Friday, August 19, 2011

Seeding Of A Ghost (1983)


Taxi driver Chau is about to find out the hard way, what happens to individuals who
interrupt a black magician's spell. Not only is the act itself considered a damnable offense.
The deed is punishable by unavoidable bad luck that could result in death.
Yet, rather then heed the black magician's warnings, Chau prefers to go on about
his business. And at the end of the night, he returns home to his attractive wife, Irene.

Irene is employed at a bustling casino. Where she begins to have an affair with one of
the affluent regulars, Fang. The pair cavort and enjoy secret trysts until a lover's quarrel
over Fang's refusal to leave his wife threatens to end their romance.

After ditching Fang, Irene calls her husband from a payphone and requests
that he pick her up. Only Chau does not expect that the black magician's foretold misfortune
would affect his wife, who is chased to an abandoned home to be raped and murdered by two hoodlums.

A mysterious occurrence leads Chau to his wife's body. Leading the police to consider
him the prime suspect in her death. Irene's lover Fang is also taken into custody.
Adding insult to injury when Chau is confronted with the reality of his wife's infidelity.

Wishing to avenge his spouse, Chau seeks the aid of the black magician responsible
for his curse. The two then begin to create the ultimate revenge. Using Irene's decomposing
corpse and vengeful spirit.

This is going to be messy.


Good things do come to those who wait! This film may have some minor pacing issues,
but once it reaches it's final 20 minutes, it crescendos to a memorably bloody finale.
With an "It's Alive" reminiscent scene that totally tops the original. Doctor's will be disfigured.
Limbs will be severed and viscera will fly!

This movie also features two familiar faces in HK cinema. Phillip Ko (The Boxer's Omen)
and Norman Chu (We're Going To Eat You)

I am unsure of this title's in print/out of print status, but it still
appears to be available for purchase.

Price: 14-20$

And now for......

Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Favorite Movie Character 02: Binky The Clown

Shakes The Clown (1991)

When I think of volatile, murderous party clowns with an affinity for nose candy.
I think of Binky. Played by the hilarious Tom Kenny, also known as the voice of Spongebob Squarepants.

This movie also happens to be one of my favorite comedies of all time.
Between the amusing hierarchy of clowns, recurrent theme of alcoholism,
and unexpected cameo from Robin Williams as mime Jerry.
This film still makes me bust a gut.

Love. love. LOVE this movie!

Sunday, August 7, 2011

The Lair of the White Worm (1988)


Angus is a budding archeologist, excavating the land surrounding the Mercy Farm
Bed and Breakfast. Run by two sisters, Mary and Eve.

While digging Angus unearths a large skull from some unidentifiable beast or animal.
Along with the skull, he finds a coin he thinks originated from 286 A.D, bearing
the image of  some strange serpent.

Later that evening, he is invited to a party thrown by their landlord John D'ampton.
A time honored celebration glamorizing a local folklore tale about the D'ampton worm.
Whom John's ancestors are said to have slain.

After the festivities, Angus walks one of sister's home. The duo decide to take a
shortcut through a grove not far from Stonerich cavern. An area with great significance
to the sisters, considering it is where their parents went missing.

The strangeness continues the following day. As the local police, arrive at Mercy Farm.
Carrying Mary and Eve's father's pocket watch. Sparking an open investigation
into Stonerich cavern.

Not far from the cavern, resides the abode of Lady Sylvia Marsh. A devastatingly beautiful
woman with a murderous inclination. In addition, to her blind worship of some ancient
Pagan snake god, Dionin.

Upon discovering news of the exhumed skull, she ventures to Mercy Farm to
retrieve the skull, thought to have once belonged to her god. But, before leaving,
Sylvia unveils a pretty nasty set of fangs, and spits a green fluid on a crucifix
hanging on the wall. Which the virginal Eve makes the fatal mistake of touching.

It would seem that the legend of the D'ampton worm may have some truth to it after all ;)


When searching for more cinematic horrors to add to my burgeoning movie collection.
One's parents would seem like the last place to look. Thankfully, my mother's avid love
of Ken Russell led me to this film. First introduced to me as a kid, and repeated airings of
a butchered version on cable as a teenager, only heightened my appreciation for this unique title.

Between the nightmarish panorama of hallucinations plaguing various characters,
to the cheeky infusion of humor only the British can pull off. This compiled with the
slinky and sexy Sylvia (Amanda Donohoe), further contribute to my smoldering love of this film.

Oh, and the nuns. The poor, defiled and mutilated nuns!

Availability: Two pressings of this title exist, one from Pioneer and the most recent
from Artisan (2003). Both are readily available for purchase.

Price: I am all for snatching up great titles at a cheap price, and this movie is no exception.
It can be purchased for around 5-8$ depending on the year of pressing,
and whether or not the purchaser minds buying the film used.

Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Run And Kill (1993)


Cheung is a doting father and husband, albeit being a little on the portly side.
He slaves daily at his job, giving his earnings to his ungrateful wife.
Only to have his seemingly idealistic existence come crashing down on him,
when he makes the mistake of coming home early for an Anniversary celebration.
Finding his insignificant other in a compromising position with a neighboring shop owner.

After the initial shock wanes, Cheung decides to drown his sorrows with alcohol.
Staking his claim at a local bar where he encounters an attractive regular, Fanny who
he drunkenly confides in. Fanny takes pity on Cheung and offers to assist him in
rectifying his current situation.Unfortunately, her definition of rectifying the situation
involves murder.

Fanny encourages Cheung to put a hit out on his wife and her lover,
connecting him to a fellow acquaintance who will do just about anything if the price is right.

In a drunken stupor Cheung unintentionally agrees to the contract killing, and the outrageous
sum that accompanies the deed's completion, just before blacking out in an
alley behind the bar. When he wakes up the following morning with a fleeting memory of the
prior evenings events, he returns home to his wife where the situation goes from
bad to worse. As two contract killers appear at his apartment out for blood.

The duo ruthlessly dispatch his wife and leave Cheung unconscious at the
scene of the crime. Leading the police to open an investigation, with Cheung as
the main suspect.In an attempt to rekindle his memory, he returns to the bar,
unaware of the watchful eye of the police. An unwelcome presence that is not appreciated
by the bloodthirsty gang responsible for killing Cheung's wife.

Convinced that Cheung ratted them out to the police, the gang extort Cheung for
even more money. Leaving him no choice, but to retreat to one of his rental properties
currently inhabited by two brothers, Wah and the psychotic Ching Fung.

Wah is the more sensible of the two, and even attempts to negotiate with the gang
targeting his landlord. Only to end up getting fatally wounded in a violent brawl.

Adding an additional peg to the shitstorm of predicaments plaguing Cheung.
Now that he has one more psychopath on his heels, and Ching Fung is determined to
kill Cheung's entire family to repay him for his involvement in Wah's demise.

Will this poor bastard ever catch a break?
You'll just have to watch and see ;)


This review is of the cut, Tai Seng/Universe Laser & Video release.
An uncut PAL version, containing more violence and sex is available online at D&T Mailorder.

Occasional subtitle issues and murky picture quality aside, this is still a really great film.
If you don't mind a little shameless violence towards children, you'll be in for a treat!

Availability: This title still appears to be in print, despite getting the same treatment as
Dr. Lamb. It's depressing.

Price: 9-14$

Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)