Sunday, February 24, 2013

Lorna The Exorcist (1974)


Patrick Mariel may not live long enough to regret his unworldly covenant for wealth.
Made with an equally strange and seductive woman, named Lorna.
Whom he encounters at a casino.

Lorna offers Patrick a life of luxury in exchange for his first born child.
This pact seems totally harmless at first.

Until 18 years later, when Patrick's daughter Linda has reached her sexual peak.
And Lorna seems to be lurking around every corner, waiting to claim what
she believes is rightfully hers.

Don't let the over-the-top eyeshadow fool you. Lorna means business ;)


This film makes me think of a Grimm's fairy tale, but with beaver shots.
Lorna's lusty abilities also remind me of Soledad Miranda's cursed character in,
Vampyros Lesbos. Filmed 3 years prior.

The fact that this film exists in a tangible form at all, is pretty amazing.
Only available materials from various prints could be used.
Over all, though, it still retains some semblance of continuity.

But, with every Franco film, there are a few instances that I found silly.
My first complaint being with Lina Romay's crazy eyed spasms
at the end of the film. I do not mind when films break the "4th wall", but having
a character stare directly into the camera with google eyes.
Read as more goofy, then someone trying to appear authentically possessed.

Also..the ridiculously death of Patrick's wife, as her crotch is consumed by green crabs.
What de hell?

Despite these bizarre occurences, I still found the film erotic and dream-like.
Two things Franco seems to excel at.

Availability: In print, and available.

Price: 16-22$

Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Friday, February 22, 2013

Memorably Messy On-Screen Demises (07)

I could not think of a more creative way to murder someone, then with a
homemade narcotic so powerful it makes the consumer explode in a rainbow of body parts.
It sorta makes you think of a hotdog, after you've put it in the microwave ;)
Which brings me to this 90s horror/comedy classick!

Frankenhooker (1990)

Jeffery Franken is not only a talented medical student, but also a creator of
myriad homicidal inventions. After his wife is turned into meat pudding via a
remote controlled lawn mower. Jeffery drives himself batty trying to think of
ways to bring her back to life.

Eventually, he concocts an unorthodox plan with intentions to use the body parts
from street walkers. In hopes of reconstructing his beloved.
How he intends to harvest these parts, you ask?
By enticing the women with his homemade "super crack", of course!

The events that follow the hookers consumption of the drug, is a sight to behold.
To say the least.

It's a hooker holocaust!

Friday, February 8, 2013

Memorably Messy On-Screen Demises (06)

From the depraved SS, to corrupt and decadent oil sheiks. Ilsa certainly has a gift
for choosing allies. However, her true strengths lie with her bountiful chest, and voracious
appetite for torture and humiliation. Case and point......

Ilsa Harem Keeper Of The Oil Sheiks (1976)

After barely surviving an array of mutilations. This poor belly dancer becomes
the guinea pig for a new device called, "the love machine". An appartatus that
takes the form of a remote controlled mechanical penis.

Unfortunately, along with coaxing orgasms, this devilish contraption also brings
about a swift and messy end. Taking into account the fact that the device doubles
as an explosive device. Usually always detonated once the victim has reached
the height of pleasure.

What a way to go!

Monday, February 4, 2013

The Untold Story (1993)


Decomposing body parts of nameless victims have started to wash up on a beach
in Macau. Inspector Lee and his gaggle of buffoonish detective's are left to pick up
the pieces. (literally.)

Clues point the crew in the direction of Wong Chi Hang, the new owner of a
local restaurant called Eight Immortals. The police officials know little of Wong's affinity for
murdering his business associates, gambling buddies and employee's.
Their bodies he inevitably grinds up for the filling in his delicious barbequed pork buns.

After he is spotted attempting to throw away evidence, he is taken into custody,
where the inspector and his recruits try their hardest to make him confess.
And when he eventually does, the audience will experience quite a shock.
To say the least.

"I never eat barbequed pork buns, you never know what's in the filling"-Inspector Lee


I was 17 when I first saw this film. And it certainly left a memorable impression.
Along with kick starting my dual love and curiosity for fucked up Asian cinema.

The Untold Story may very well be the most notorious of all CAT III films!
Anthony Wong's portrayal of the deranged and psychotic, Wong Chi Hang earned
him his first award for Best Actor at the Hong Kong Film Festival.

This is a viewing experience you won't soon forget.
Those with an aversion to rape and explicit child murder, may want to steer clear
of this film. It will leave a nasty scar on your psyche ;)

I give it my highest recommendation!

Availability: Out of print, but copies are still floating around for purchase.

Price: 19-43$

Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Friday, February 1, 2013

Memorably Messy On-Screen Demises (05)

This trash epic, courtesy of Jess Franco, is known for more then it's godawful
80s soundtrack. It also happens to contain some of the nastiest surgical blunders
ever committed to screen.

Faceless (1987)

This unfortunate girl is lured by a demented doctor and his sanguinary lover
to a private hospital, where she is forced to endure a facial transplant procedure
that goes horribly wrong.

After the failed surgery, her mutilated body (with a face that is still moving)
is taken to a basement for dismembered via chainsaw.

Fucking amazing!