Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh (1991)

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Summary:

A serial killer with a fetish for power tools, turns their sights on ladies of the night.
Leaving the girl's battered bodies for the police to discover. Two detectives Joe and Sweeney
are assigned to the case.

Parts are taken from the deceased assumably for usage in bizarre rituals.
The methods in which the victims are dispatched mimics a similar series of crimes committed in another state, where Joe was once stationed. He contacts a former partner, Deke Taylor to assist in solving the case.

Using the departments money to purchase a plane ticked for his old comrade.
Only to have his daughter, Dee Dee arrive in his place, claiming that her
father had gone missing. Putting Joe and Sweeney in an unfavorable light with the already
volatile, trigger happy chief of police.

With Dee Dee's assistance, they manage to appease the Chief with the possibility
of an newly discovered suspect. A man with affiliations to the original suspect of the
first series of murders.  The man in question, Jackie Cairo has relocated to an unlawful
part of Pittsburgh, known as Egypt Town.

Where the team will have to venture to pick up the pieces.....literally.

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Decision:

This film marries comedy, demented characters, gore and power tools together beautifully.
I adore the overall campy charm.

This is definitely one of my favorite films of all time.

Very highly recommended.

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Availability: Unfortunately, this title is long out of print. With
the VHS being the cheapest and easiest to find. While used and new
copies are available on EBAY and half.com

Price: 30-40+  for the DVD, as for the VHS 5-25$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Favorite Character 03: Thomas Renfield

Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995)

Enslaved by the legendary bloodsucker, Dracula, and reduced to a bumbling,
insect munching simpleton. Left to carry out his master's bidding.
The outcome of his efforts, usually resulting in various comical failures.

Peter MacNicol is such a great comedic actor. Breathing life into such a gloriously
unbalanced character. The fact that he is also surrounded by a
whole cast of great characters. Makes this film an enduring childhood favorite.



Also, Lysette Anthony's perfect rack, deserves honorable mention ;)

Twin Dolls (1994)

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Summary:

Episode 1:

Virginal twin sisters, Ai and Mai are the descendents of a celestial maiden.
The girls are destined to become powerful holy priestesses inheriting the dangerous
responsibility of keeping amorous demonic creatures from over taking the earth.

Their sage-like grandmother decides that it is time for the girls to partake in the
Amatsu family tradition of demon slaughtering. Promptly enrolling the sisters in an arduous
training program, and tacking on an additional task. The girls must also safeguard a pervy young boy, Onimaru who's existence is said to determine the fate of the world. This proves to be a challenging assignment, considering Onimaru's debauched compulsions and penchant for panty stealing.

With their nubile glory garnering them a bevy of male and female followers, the Amatsu twins unintentionally de-throne a former idolize classmate, Saeko. A girl who's consuming jealousy unwittingly draws the attention of a randy demon horde.

While masturbating to her own mirrored reflection. A pair of imps ravish Saeko, prior to their endowed master (Hakumouki) appearance to possess her. Hakumouki's goal is to resurrect Oniyashidoji, the master of demon beasts. Feeling that he can only do so after the pesky Amatsu sisters are killed. He uses his new sex slave, Saeko to enlist her fellow classmates for use in drawing the sisters out for an epic battle.

Episode 2:

The Amatsu twins barely manage to escape their previous demon encounter. Still clinging to their virgin whiles. Their training continues as an upcoming dance festival and archery competition looms.

Once again fellow classmates are enslaved by the newly resurrected Oniyashidoji and his minions. The demon lord transforms himself into an attractive male student. Becoming an archery rival for Ai. And attracting the devotion of Mai and her possessed female companions. Hoping to lure the impressionable girl into the perfect trap.

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Decision:

A majority of the sex scenes in this anime are of the non consensual variety. Usually involving some poor school girl and imp like creatures who violate their victims with bumpy horned appendages, since they lack the proper equipment to penetrate them as a normal human would.

The rest of the action is composed of masturbation, some lesbian love and a little tentacle invasion for good measure.

The animation is well done and the two main characters are beautifully drawn. I saw many similar themes with this title and another notable anime classic, Devil Hunter Yohko (1990)
Namely the inherited family curse of demon slaying and the necessity of the heroines keeping their virginity and any costs. Even if the character secretly desires sexual explorations.

This perverse feature is definitely a guilty pleasure.

The series also goes on for 4 additional episodes under the title, Twin Angels. I intend to review them at a later date.

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Availability: In print

Price: 12-18$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Invasion of the Blood Farmers (1972)

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Summary:

When the town drunkard staggers into a local pub almost completely exsanguinated.
The town's pathologist, Professor Anderson and his daughter's fiancee, Don take samples
of his blood back to their lab for further research.

Professor Anderson discovers something shocking about the sample.
The deceased's vital fluids are found to be unstable, reproducing at an alarming rate.
In turn throwing off his hemostatic balance causing the man to explode.
This currently unnamed condition concerns the Professor and the two immediately attempt to find a cure.

What the town does not know is that a pair of druids and their bumpkin recruits
have taken up residence and are kidnapping people. Draining them of their blood to use for an upcoming ceremonial feast. In addition, to their search for a host with a blood type that is immune to their sacred chemicals regenerative powers. The individual immune to it's properties will be used to resurrect their fallen queen Onhorrid, before her soul is taken by the Prince of Darkness.

Oh my!

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Decision: 

Deranged and bizarre, two words that describe this shocker perfectly.
Obviously created with a non-existent budget, using actors willing to accept beer as payment for their participation. This movie is so inept, yet at the same time so likeable.
I was really surprised.

Some of the acting is wooden, and the plot itself is so outlandish that one can't really help but love it.

Blood stealing druids spouting nonsensical ramblings about Menanon and the prince of darkness and smiting ones enemies. To overall wearing, backwoods cronies who like to eat dogs, and bludgeon people with walking sticks.

I really admire some of the creative shots and camera work. A scene where a lovestruck couple leans in for a kiss is quickly inter-cut to footage of one of the villains hungrily feasting on a dog. Another scene that still gets me, involves one of the murderous black hood wearing hillbillies chasing after one of his victims with a tree pruner. Rather then show the pruner slicing through his victim's throat, the killer instead runs towards the camera as if it were the victim, and with a vicious swipe the scene ends. So fucking awesome!

This film is also said to have influenced the 1980s classic, Motel Hell.

If you don't mind low budget weirdness, this film is worth a look.

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Availability:  The 2011 Cheezy Flims repress is still in print.

Price: 4-12$


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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

The Unnamable II (1993)

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Summary: 

Picking up where the original left off. Miskatonic University students Randolf, Howard and
Tonya barely manage to survive the evil clutches of a mythical beast, lurking in an 18th
century haunted house.

The home's previous owner, Joshua Winthrop conjures the beast during his
occult explorations. The demon then decides to take his daughter, Alyda as
it's human host, horribly disfiguring her with it's malevolent influence.

As the remains of their mutilated classmates are carried off, and the police conduct
their investigation. Randolf manages to hide an ancient text he's taken from
the Winthrop home, that he later collects for further analysis. After reaching some
startling conclusions. Randolf  with the aid of Professor Warren, who's extensive
knowledge on ancient texts is required for when they return to the Winthrop home.

Reluctant tag-a-long, Howard stays on the surface to stand watch. While Randolf and
the Professor find an under ground tunnel, that leads them to a centuries old cavern beneath
the cemetery on the property. As the men travel deeper into the catacombs, they discover
the hooved beast of legend. Safely contained by interwoven tree limbs conjured by Randolf,
with the assistance of Joshua's spell book in the prior film entry.

Given the knowledge that the beast is clinging to the earthly plane using Joshua's daughter.
The two consider various methods to drive it out. Until Professor Warren decides
to use insulin, putting the creature's host into shock, convincing it of it's shell's
impending demise, forcing it to withdraw.

The plan does seem to work at first. It's human host, Alyda is left unharmed.
But, her monstrous former inhabitant is not so willing to let her go.

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Decision:

The first 30 minutes of this film still terrify me.
Certain scenes even now, I still can't bring myself to watch.
The terror that lingered for months after my initial viewing as an 8 year old kid,
still resonate so deeply even now that I am an adult.
I know I am a chicken. But, at least I admit it! ;)

My nostaligic ramblings aside.

After establishing an effective beginning. The film regretably begins to suffer from
myriad flaws that dissuade from it's middle and end. Inconsistencies in the
creature's make-up, and some laughably amateurish acting from the beast's human
female host, ruin some of the initial impact created. Yet despite all of those things I will
always enjoy this film and it's predecessor.

The first film is obviously better, unfortunately it is yet to receive a DVD release. A VHS copy can still be procured for around 4-8$ for the cut version. For the uncut version, which I own. The price is a bit steeper. I've seen copies on sale for 14$ all the way up to 99$. Yikes.

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Availability: Regarding the film's sequel, while this title is considered out of print.
It is still widely available.

Price:  As for cost, this DVD is cheapy-cheap. I bought a new copy for only a 1.00.
So really, what have you got to lose?

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.) 

The Bone Yard (1991)

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Summary:

Gifted psychic, Alley retreats from the world. Unsought attention received for her
extrasensory abilities, used to aid a seasoned detective in solving a series of crimes
relating to missing children. Forces her to find solace in her shabby home.

Despite her recent case of agoraphobia, Detective Jersey is still quick to re-enlist the aid
of his reluctant former acquaintance. After being assigned a bizarre case involving
a mortician, and the bodies of three dead children found locked up in a storage room.
Their bellies full of cadaver meat.

When questioned, the mortician known as Mr. Chen tells the officers that taking care of
the three undead children or "kiyoshi" is a duty bestowed to him and his ancestors,
as a penance for past misdeeds. He also continues to warn the detectives that the
kiyoshi are quite skilled at playing possum when they are full.

Unable to use her super sensory skills without a physical link to the bodies.
Jersey and Alley venture to the coroner's building to investigate the children's corpses.
Unfortunately for them, the old crone running the desk, Miss. Poopinplatz and
her vicious poodle aren't the only scary things lurking in the already notably
creepy establishment. The kiyoshi are also growing restless with hunger.

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Decision:

There is nothing wrong with a little non-pretentious, campy fun!
General goofiness aside, the make-up effects are genuinely creepy and the film's
many redeeming qualities make up for any flaws that it may possess.

What's better then Phyllis Diller sans wig? Or the notorious zombie poodle
and jokes about dead children?

This film tugs at my heart strings.

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Availability:  The original 2000 Navarre press is out of print, however I have noticed
another pressing from Zia Home entertainment. Which looks almost identical.
I am still unsure whether this is official or authorized, so I'll stick with recommending the
Navarre press.

Price: 12-30$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Seeding Of A Ghost (1983)

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Summary:

Taxi driver Chau is about to find out the hard way, what happens to individuals who
interrupt a black magician's spell. Not only is the act itself considered a damnable offense.
The deed is punishable by unavoidable bad luck that could result in death.
Yet, rather then heed the black magician's warnings, Chau prefers to go on about
his business. And at the end of the night, he returns home to his attractive wife, Irene.

Irene is employed at a bustling casino. Where she begins to have an affair with one of
the affluent regulars, Fang. The pair cavort and enjoy secret trysts until a lover's quarrel
over Fang's refusal to leave his wife threatens to end their romance.

After ditching Fang, Irene calls her husband from a payphone and requests
that he pick her up. Only Chau does not expect that the black magician's foretold misfortune
would affect his wife, who is chased to an abandoned home to be raped and murdered by two hoodlums.

A mysterious occurrence leads Chau to his wife's body. Leading the police to consider
him the prime suspect in her death. Irene's lover Fang is also taken into custody.
Adding insult to injury when Chau is confronted with the reality of his wife's infidelity.

Wishing to avenge his spouse, Chau seeks the aid of the black magician responsible
for his curse. The two then begin to create the ultimate revenge. Using Irene's decomposing
corpse and vengeful spirit.

This is going to be messy.

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Decision:

Good things do come to those who wait! This film may have some minor pacing issues,
but once it reaches it's final 20 minutes, it crescendos to a memorably bloody finale.
With an "It's Alive" reminiscent scene that totally tops the original. Doctor's will be disfigured.
Limbs will be severed and viscera will fly!

This movie also features two familiar faces in HK cinema. Phillip Ko (The Boxer's Omen)
and Norman Chu (We're Going To Eat You)

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Availability: I am unsure of this title's in print/out of print status, but it still
appears to be available for purchase.

Price: 14-20$

And now for......

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)