Vampire In Brooklyn (1995)

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Summary:

Max is a Caribbean vampire searching for the last female descendent of his tribe.
A half vampire, currently residing in Brooklyn. The half human/vampire hybrid
in question is Rita. A police detective, plagued by troubling dreams fueled by her mother's
recent passing in an insane asylum.

A boat containing his coffin, along with myriad bloodless corpses, crashes in the New York harbor. Where it is discovered by two men. One of the men is quickly ensnared by Max to do his bidding. But, for a price as his body begins to rot.

The spectacle at the harbor, leads Rita right onto Max's radar. Once she investigates the interior of the ship, discovering his coffin. The event triggers a foreboding vision.
Sending her into hysterics, only to disappear when Rita's partner, Justice shows up to assist her.

Max immediately senses a brewing chemistry between Rita and Justice. This scenario forces him to take extreme measures to discredit him, even going so far as to possess the bodies of a foul mouthed mobster and a preacher. Doing anything he can think of lure her into his web.

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Decision: 

It's a shame that successful and effective "urban" horror films are pretty few and far between. For every Candyman (1992) or Tales From The Hood (1995) there's a Leprechaun In The Hood (2000) or Vampiyaz (2004) that totally ruins it. With non-existent budgets, crappy derivative plots  and shoddy performances.

I still happen to really love Wes Craven's previous effort at "urban" horror, The People Under The Stairs (1991). This film however, despite it's intentions and potential. Increased considerably by Angela Bassett's performance. Still fails on so many levels. Maybe not to the point of being totally unwatchable. But, it walks a fine line and stays there.

The jokes usually fall flat, with a rare exception. Making the film a failure at being an outright comedy. There are occasional, albeit brief moments of atmosphere. Yet the film as a whole isn't scary. Even with notably competent make-up effects. So even as a horror film, it fails. Leaving us with one confused cinema oddity. Capable of occasionally stirring an occasional laugh.

Evil may be necessary, but this film is not.



Happy New Year, everyone!

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Availability:  This title is considered out of print, but it can still be purchased
for a decent price.

Price: 4-15$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Groper Train: Search For The Black Pearl (1984)

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Summary:

A mysterious and valuable black pearl discovered by a wandering soldier in Vietnam.
Is taken back to his home in Japan. Where he hides it in a very inconspicuous place.
Even with his nubile wife, Matsuko's persistent solicitation of the valuables whereabouts.

While the two make love, Yamamori is finally coaxed to reveal a little snippet
of a hint to his beloved. Before death overtakes him mid-climax.
His final words, "pussy print". Are the only clues left for Matsuko.
So the bereaved widow hires an unorthodox private detective, Kuroda.
To help her find the missing treasure.

Using his detective agency as convenient cover to participate in various sexual acts,
not limited to ravishment of female train passengers and his bouncy assistant.
Kuroda enjoys his job a little too much. Once Matsuko gives him the only viable clue.
An inked print of Yamamori's missing niece Yuko's nethers.
Kuroda suits up and hits the local train, where he is determined to ink and make prints of
as many vaginas as he can. Until he finds a match.

Although with the personal turmoil surrounding Matsuko and Yamamori's son, Harou (the only attractive man in this entire fucking film!) Things are not as they would seem.

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Decision:

First off, almost EVERY male participant in this film is hideous. I can see why the actresses were positioned in ways to detract from their unsightly counterparts. I am sure I would probably prefer to sit on a guys face opposed to having to actually look at him, if he happened to resemble a fucking catfish with glasses.

Yet despite that minor grievance. I thought this flick overall was pretty entertaining.
Managing to be hilarious, titillating...and disgusting. All at the same time.

Highly recommended!

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Availability: In print and available from various online retailers.

Price: 13-19$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Wicked City (1987)

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Summary: 

For those who wish for a harmonious coexistence, a proposed peace treaty is enacted
to improve relationships between inhabitants from human and demon worlds.
Unfortunately, a rival faction of demons stand in opposition, feeling that they are a superior race.

Taki is an electronic salesman and secret agent for an organization known as
the "Black Guard". Along with his newly acquired demon partner, Makie.
The duo become appointed guardians of a 200 year old demon missionary, Guiseppi Mayart.
A lecherous pervert with significant duties to uphold to insure a successful treaty signing.

With a gaggle of bloodthirsty demonic terrorists hot on their trail. Taki and Makie will be confronted with more then just their romantic feelings for each other. We're talking demon rape and enough hideous creature transformations to leave a lasting impression ;)

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Decision:

I fondly remember renting this nasty little feature from our local video store, Shapter Video
in the mid 90s. I still miss that place and it's various assemblage of Hellraiser models,
glaring menacingly at me while stationed at the tops of the movie shelves.

I am immensely pleased to find this title to be as filthy and sublime as I remember it being.
Plenty of soft core sex, nasty creatures with tentacled appendages, and just an overall nightmarish and bleak vibe. Yet, despite the absence of penetration. Mutilated and monstrous vaginal openings are a reoccurring vision.

A murderous spider lady that possesses a venus flytrap reminiscent vagina with teeth, being one of my favorite animated creatures.

This anime is very highly recommended, and definitely not for kids ;)

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Availability: This title is out of print, kiddies. But, still available for purchase
in various conditions.

Price: 17-56$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh (1991)

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Summary:

A serial killer with a fetish for power tools, turns their sights on ladies of the night.
Leaving the girl's battered bodies for the police to discover. Two detectives Joe and Sweeney
are assigned to the case.

Parts are taken from the deceased assumably for usage in bizarre rituals.
The methods in which the victims are dispatched mimics a similar series of crimes committed in another state, where Joe was once stationed. He contacts a former partner, Deke Taylor to assist in solving the case.

Using the departments money to purchase a plane ticked for his old comrade.
Only to have his daughter, Dee Dee arrive in his place, claiming that her
father had gone missing. Putting Joe and Sweeney in an unfavorable light with the already
volatile, trigger happy chief of police.

With Dee Dee's assistance, they manage to appease the Chief with the possibility
of an newly discovered suspect. A man with affiliations to the original suspect of the
first series of murders.  The man in question, Jackie Cairo has relocated to an unlawful
part of Pittsburgh, known as Egypt Town.

Where the team will have to venture to pick up the pieces.....literally.

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Decision:

This film marries comedy, demented characters, gore and power tools together beautifully.
I adore the overall campy charm.

This is definitely one of my favorite films of all time.

Very highly recommended.

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Availability: Unfortunately, this title is long out of print. With
the VHS being the cheapest and easiest to find. While used and new
copies are available on EBAY and half.com

Price: 30-40+  for the DVD, as for the VHS 5-25$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Favorite Character 03: Thomas Renfield

Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995)

Enslaved by the legendary bloodsucker, Dracula, and reduced to a bumbling,
insect munching simpleton. Left to carry out his master's bidding.
The outcome of his efforts, usually resulting in various comical failures.

Peter MacNicol is such a great comedic actor. Breathing life into such a gloriously
unbalanced character. The fact that he is also surrounded by a
whole cast of great characters. Makes this film an enduring childhood favorite.



Also, Lysette Anthony's perfect rack, deserves honorable mention ;)

Twin Dolls (1994)

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Summary:

Episode 1:

Virginal twin sisters, Ai and Mai are the descendents of a celestial maiden.
The girls are destined to become powerful holy priestesses inheriting the dangerous
responsibility of keeping amorous demonic creatures from over taking the earth.

Their sage-like grandmother decides that it is time for the girls to partake in the
Amatsu family tradition of demon slaughtering. Promptly enrolling the sisters in an arduous
training program, and tacking on an additional task. The girls must also safeguard a pervy young boy, Onimaru who's existence is said to determine the fate of the world. This proves to be a challenging assignment, considering Onimaru's debauched compulsions and penchant for panty stealing.

With their nubile glory garnering them a bevy of male and female followers, the Amatsu twins unintentionally de-throne a former idolize classmate, Saeko. A girl who's consuming jealousy unwittingly draws the attention of a randy demon horde.

While masturbating to her own mirrored reflection. A pair of imps ravish Saeko, prior to their endowed master (Hakumouki) appearance to possess her. Hakumouki's goal is to resurrect Oniyashidoji, the master of demon beasts. Feeling that he can only do so after the pesky Amatsu sisters are killed. He uses his new sex slave, Saeko to enlist her fellow classmates for use in drawing the sisters out for an epic battle.

Episode 2:

The Amatsu twins barely manage to escape their previous demon encounter. Still clinging to their virgin whiles. Their training continues as an upcoming dance festival and archery competition looms.

Once again fellow classmates are enslaved by the newly resurrected Oniyashidoji and his minions. The demon lord transforms himself into an attractive male student. Becoming an archery rival for Ai. And attracting the devotion of Mai and her possessed female companions. Hoping to lure the impressionable girl into the perfect trap.

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Decision:

A majority of the sex scenes in this anime are of the non consensual variety. Usually involving some poor school girl and imp like creatures who violate their victims with bumpy horned appendages, since they lack the proper equipment to penetrate them as a normal human would.

The rest of the action is composed of masturbation, some lesbian love and a little tentacle invasion for good measure.

The animation is well done and the two main characters are beautifully drawn. I saw many similar themes with this title and another notable anime classic, Devil Hunter Yohko (1990)
Namely the inherited family curse of demon slaying and the necessity of the heroines keeping their virginity and any costs. Even if the character secretly desires sexual explorations.

This perverse feature is definitely a guilty pleasure.

The series also goes on for 4 additional episodes under the title, Twin Angels. I intend to review them at a later date.

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Availability: In print

Price: 12-18$

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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)

Invasion of the Blood Farmers (1972)

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Summary:

When the town drunkard staggers into a local pub almost completely exsanguinated.
The town's pathologist, Professor Anderson and his daughter's fiancee, Don take samples
of his blood back to their lab for further research.

Professor Anderson discovers something shocking about the sample.
The deceased's vital fluids are found to be unstable, reproducing at an alarming rate.
In turn throwing off his hemostatic balance causing the man to explode.
This currently unnamed condition concerns the Professor and the two immediately attempt to find a cure.

What the town does not know is that a pair of druids and their bumpkin recruits
have taken up residence and are kidnapping people. Draining them of their blood to use for an upcoming ceremonial feast. In addition, to their search for a host with a blood type that is immune to their sacred chemicals regenerative powers. The individual immune to it's properties will be used to resurrect their fallen queen Onhorrid, before her soul is taken by the Prince of Darkness.

Oh my!

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Decision: 

Deranged and bizarre, two words that describe this shocker perfectly.
Obviously created with a non-existent budget, using actors willing to accept beer as payment for their participation. This movie is so inept, yet at the same time so likeable.
I was really surprised.

Some of the acting is wooden, and the plot itself is so outlandish that one can't really help but love it.

Blood stealing druids spouting nonsensical ramblings about Menanon and the prince of darkness and smiting ones enemies. To overall wearing, backwoods cronies who like to eat dogs, and bludgeon people with walking sticks.

I really admire some of the creative shots and camera work. A scene where a lovestruck couple leans in for a kiss is quickly inter-cut to footage of one of the villains hungrily feasting on a dog. Another scene that still gets me, involves one of the murderous black hood wearing hillbillies chasing after one of his victims with a tree pruner. Rather then show the pruner slicing through his victim's throat, the killer instead runs towards the camera as if it were the victim, and with a vicious swipe the scene ends. So fucking awesome!

This film is also said to have influenced the 1980s classic, Motel Hell.

If you don't mind low budget weirdness, this film is worth a look.

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Availability:  The 2011 Cheezy Flims repress is still in print.

Price: 4-12$


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Screen Captures: (No copyright infringement intended.)